Reawakening
by MWMaenad
Summary: Rory is trapped in a loveless marriage. Can someone from her past save her? Lit. Rated M. R&R. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I have to give credit for a lot of the story line in this first chapter to Henry James. I was inspired to write it while re-reading Portrait of a Lady, one of my favorite books. But the rest of the story line will be mine._

_This story takes place years after the show. Rory hasn't heard from Jess since he told her he loved her._

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Rory sat, exhausted in the chair, staring out the window. Her husband was in the next room but she had no impulse to join him. The feeling was palpable every time they were together, she couldn't escape the knowledge that he hated her. Oh he treated her well, with impeccable politeness. He had never hit or hurt her, never screamed at her, never even raised his voice, but he despised her. 

She was unhappy, more unhappy than she had ever been in her life, and although she had tried to keep it to herself, she knew that Logan knew she was miserable. Knew, and almost enjoyed it. As if he took pleasure in disappointing her hopes the way he felt she had disappointed him. He felt deceived by her, as if she had lied to him, although she never had. She had just loved him, and in that love had conceded to him more than she ever normally would have. And so it came as a bitter disappointment to him when he found out after they were married that she had her own thoughts, her own ideas. He had somehow expected that she would give these up when they were married, adopt his ways and his thoughts and now when he realized that she would always be independent he grew disillusioned. She wasn't going to live her life just for him and his career. She insisted on working, on doing, on thinking on her own and this was an affront to him, and a deception, he felt. They distrusted each other now, hated each other, as much as they had once loved.

The life she had envisioned when she married him, that life of endless possibilities, had narrowed into one path, one life that was rapidly getting smaller and smaller. The path was choking her with it's sameness and rigidity, and the feeling that she couldn't escape it. What had originally seemed like opportunity had become a coffin. The money had confined them into one life instead of opening the world to them.

And so, when they should still have been in their honeymoon phase their marriage had been reduced to him in one room, her in the other. And it had gone on that way, never changing or getting better, day after day and year after year. He never turned to her at night anymore with longing, never touched her at all if he could help it, and she felt herself shriveling up in the face of his spite. He talked to her with politeness, and gravity, but with a hint of mocking, as if challenging her to challenge him. But she never did. What could she possibly reproach him with? Had he ever said one hurtful thing to her? No, he hadn't. Had he ever hit her, or been close? The answer again was no. Although Rory almost felt it would be better if he had, at least she would have felt real again. As it was, she felt like she was slowly going invisible. He ignored her, and when he talked to her it was as if she didn't matter. She didn't hold that same charm for him that she had before. She wasn't even sure when that had ended but he seemed almost disgusted by her body now, even though time hadn't changed it much. He didn't cheat on her, at least as far as she could tell, but then how could he sit there, day after day, with that calm expression on his face, not touching her, not looking at her, sitting sometimes in the same room for hours barely acknowledging her? She had at first been desperate for his attention, his affection, been desperate to be the wife he wanted her to be. But Rory had always been too independent to totally bend to the will of another, and she wasn't the wife that he could mold the way he wanted. She had never told him how much she wanted him to just touch her, show some interest in her, make her real again, but she knew he had seen it, and delighted in it. He was one by one taking everything good in her life and extinguishing it, coldly and callously. And he was the good guy! He was the great husband who was always where he said he would be, who bought her the right gift for every occasion, brought her with to every social function in a brand new dress that made the other wives green with envy. He was the husband who was so faithful, so fucking faithful to her, that the blame for all the problems in their marriage always fell on her. On her and how she had let him down, disappointed his expectations. And to add that, Rory knew she was ugly. Stress had taken the shine out of her eyes, the sleepless nights of loneliness had added bags to her eyes and dullness to her hair. The smoking had wreaked havoc on her skin, which could only be covered with the piles of makeup she now wore constantly.

Rory often wondered how she hadn't seen that part of him there, the part of him that was slowly killing her. She wondered how she always ended up in the wrong. How she always ended up the one snapping at him, later apologizing profusely while he insisted that there was no reason for apology. He was the same as he was when they were dating, just more mature, without the boyhood vices. He had charmed her then, and she had to admit that he still charmed her. He had never disguised himself or played a part with her, she just hadn't seen the whole picture. She had only seen half of who he was, had only recognized half of what he wanted. She thought he wanted her, and he had, but he had wanted her under the idea that she would stop being Rory Gilmore when she became his wife. He somehow imagined that she would be Mrs. Huntzberger, a reflection on him and nothing more. But Rory had never been anyone's possession, and couldn't adjust herself to it now even if she had wanted to. He had always expected her to reflect his ideas back to him, and instead she reflected her own. She didn't voice those ideas anymore, it would only have increased his hatred, but she knew he could see it in her eyes whenever they were together, could see how she was always there, thinking, and thinking her own thoughts. And Rory almost couldn't blame him. After all, she had been so charmed, so infatuated by him that she had probably appeared that she would give up everything to him. To relinquish everything about herself except her appearance, and that would be there, at his side, at every function they went to. Well she had done her duty there, but she would never give up thinking in her own way.

Logan's parents loved her, except for her job, which she insisted on keeping. She appeared properly at every function, behaved exactly as she should. She was dressed to perfection every time, rarely said a word. They thought she and Logan had the perfect marriage and waited for the grandkids to roll in. And Logan was brilliant, there was no denying that. His business success promised to exceed his fathers in time, now that he had settled down to work. He was admired everywhere, for his charming looks and brilliant mind, two qualities that only seemed to grow as the years went on. While Rory got more and more exhausted. Most days she could barely stand to get up for work, had to drag herself there feeling lifeless and pale. She only kept the job now to defy him, otherwise she would have quit in an instant. She had lost any passion she used to have for work in trying to build that defensive shield, the shield that would stop the loneliness, stop the pain of being ignored, the hurt at being so casually dismissed from his mind. She didn't even miss the sex anymore, it had become too much an effort for both of them to even pretend to be attracted to one another. She had tried, had gotten dressed up in the lingerie he liked, had tried to pretend she wasn't so tired, so drained that all she wanted to do was sleep. He had tried to, to get over his disgust in her but in the end it had been a wasted effort, and now they didn't even share a room anymore.

Rory didn't look up as she heard the door open, hearing her husbands measured steps as he walked into the room. For once, he found her alone. She had always taken refuge in their friends, who could be found here with her almost every day, talking, drinking, watching tv together. Sometimes they went shopping. He even took delight in having them here sometimes, because he knew that deep down she hated them. Lane rarely made it into the house. After all, he had reminded her, it just isn't proper for a purple haired punk rocker to be here at the Huntzberger mansion. Rory had looked at him with silent fury when he said this, knowing that he was taking refuge in convention to deny her a friend. And so the other girls, the proper girls, had become fixtures here. Her best friends now were Rosemary, Walker, and Juliette. And he was right, she did secretly hate them.

Lorelai Danes was an occasional visitor as well, but the marriage had inextricably separated mother and daughter. Rory was too proud to admit that her mom had been right, that she never should have married Logan. She almost clung to her husband when her mom was around, desperate to prove that everything was fine, that she was happy. And the only stories she had to tell of Logan were good ones. How he sent her flowers, brought her something from a business trip, that he called her every night when he was away. How thoughtful he was... she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone that he was a monster if she wanted to. What proof was there, besides the fact that he hated her. And that was apparent only to her. No, they didn't share a bedroom, but ostensibly that was because of his allergies to the smoke of her ever-present cigarettes.

So here she was, at 31, with a perfect career, great friends, an attentive and handsome husband, living in a mansion and already an old lady. She felt in her fifties, not her thirties. Everything in her had turned to dust or stone, dried out, there was never any room for tears, and who could cry about such a perfect life? She couldn't cry because there was no chance for salvation now. What could she do? Where could she go? Who could leave such a husband as she had? She knew she would be blamed, Logan would be pitied and adored. And who would want her now? She knew she looked years older than she was, faded, exhausted and ragged. She was trapped with this man, this fiend, until he was good and ready to let her go.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews!_

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Rory (she still referred to herself this way, although no one else did) stepped out of the office, briefcase in hand. She looked back up at the tall, imposing building. The building that had been a dream and was now a prison of endless days and endless cups of coffee. Oh she had a good job, a real good job. See what a Yale education can buy? It was well paying, structured and tortuous. It payed cash in return for her soul. Trade a year of your life for a months worth of pay it whispered to her now. Before it had shouted freedom to her, possibilities. She had determined never to be dependent on her husband. But now it was just another iron locked manacle tying her to the prison she called life. It was there, every morning, expectantly, almost humming with the anticipation of her arrival, of her dedication. She was just another high paid corporate drone, tricked into believing that she was thinking for herself and making her own way in the world.

She turned back to the city street, dreading calling a cab, going back home where he would be, already dressed for the function tonight, silently reproaching her because she wasn't ready, because her job was getting in the way. Rory laughed a little, bitterly. She hated her job with such spite that she couldn't stand getting up every morning to go there, but Logan hated it more and so she kept it, and relished the fact that he hated it.

Filled with the sudden spite towards him, Rory started walking down the street. She would get the cab when she felt like it. Of course Rory felt guilty deep down too, he hadn't done anything to deserve this, but that was the way their war went. He always won, but that didn't stop her from fighting. She walked slower and slower, coffee in one hand, briefcase in the other, looking at the shops that lined the street. The traffic noise overwhelmed and soothed her all at once. She stared into the windows, barely even registering what she was seeing, just looking because she could. Because her time was her own and damn it she was going to use it how she wanted.

Her eye suddenly caught on a bookstore, and with a ghost of a smile she went in, barely thinking about what she was doing. The Huntzberger library was one of the most impressive private collections in the world. She had no need for bookstores now, odds are the library had it. But she had lost all pleasure in reading now. It felt like begging for scraps from that family. She felt like she was being fed their ideas every time she picked up one of their books. So she glanced around with some defiance at the books in the shop, browsing now, running her fingers along old favorites that had become her enemies. But here, on neutral ground she could once again lose herself in the idea of them, in the magic of them the way she always had before. She was almost surprised when she reached the back of the store so soon. It was such a tiny shop, how could it have anything new?

Looking at the time she realized that she had to get home unless she was prepared for a battle. A battle that she knew would leave her feeling guilty and wrong, alone in her room tonight in the vacuum of her loveless marriage. Just as she was turning to leave something caught her eye, the name on a small volume, stuck unceremoniously on the shelf. Jess Mariano... a name from a distant past almost forgotten. Could it possibly be Jess? Rory reached out, grasped the book, turned it over to see the picture. The man on the back did bear a striking resemblance to the boy she had known. Rory didn't even look at the title, the price, anything. She brought it to the counter, paid for it with cash, stuck it in her briefcase and caught a cab. She arranged it carefully on the ride home so that Logan would never find it. It was the first time in their marriage that she was keeping anything from him, and damn it, it felt good. She didn't even have to hide it. What would he care what she read? But hiding it felt delicious, a secret safe from his scorn or his indifference.

She didn't have time to think about the book until that night, in bed. She was completely exhausted from the function, although she couldn't even remember what it had been for. Maybe AIDS or starving children or keeping alive the art of playing the harp. She had been disappointingly on time too. Rory got back up and opened the briefcase, sought out the book, and like a girl leapt back into bed. She opened it eagerly, hoping to find in it some hint of her old friend. Memories like that were all she had left now to make her feel alive. But she didn't get past the first few pages. She didn't get past the dedication, because reading it made her heart almost stop. It could have referred to anybody, in fact it probably did refer to someone else, but in that moment Rory was completely and utterly sure that it was about her.

She read the words over and over again:

To the girl I'll always love.

That was all it said, so simple so basic, but Rory had grasped onto the idea of it, the possibilities it presented. She couldn't stop shaking. Jess was part of the past, but so was Rory. And Mrs. Huntzberger was existing less and less too. Yes, everyone called her Mrs. Huntzberger, or Mrs. Logan Huntzberger. She didn't even have her own name anymore. Even Logan didn't call her Rory anymore, he called her Leigh, her middle name. His parents had adopted it as her pet name and it had stuck. So to all their intimate acquaintance she was Leigh Huntzberger. The name was so foreign that Rory could barely identify with it, even after all these years. She always felt like an impostor. She wanted to hear the name Rory again, even from unfriendly lips because at least she would feel like herself. The dedication didn't identify her, but it spoke to her, directly to her, in a way that she hadn't been spoken to in years. And suddenly everything in her snapped and she was packing a suitcase, ready to leave her world to chase the apparition behind a vague dedication. That seemed more real to her than her entire life.

Rory wasn't thinking straight, but she knew enough to know, vaguely, that she was crazy. This was an insane mission that couldn't end well. So she left a note saying that her mom called, that Luke was in the hospital or something like that. It would buy her some time. And in all likelihood she would get the cab, get halfway there and realize how stupid this was, how silly, how impossible and would turn around, go home, tear up the note and go to bed.

So, with a faint idea of how insane she was being she went downstairs and stepped into cab, heart fluttering. She felt so nervous her stomach churned. She wasn't a girl anymore, she was a grown married woman running away because of one line in a book she hadn't even read. In a panic Rory realized that she hadn't even read the back cover. Maybe it was a book about torturing and murdering loved ones... maybe Jess was now crazy and wanted to kill her. Rory laughed a little. With all the things she should have been worried about in that minute that was the least likely possibility. She did pick up the book and flipped to the 'about the author' section. Philadelphia... damn!

This wasn't turning into some spur of the moment easily corrected lapse of judgment. This was flat out abandonment. Nonetheless she went to the airport, whipping out her credit card thoughtlessly to buy the earliest flight to Philadelphia.


	3. Chapter 3

Rory shook with cold as she sat on the airplane. She hadn't remembered to pack a warmer jacket. Of course it had been years since she had felt any real warmth. She had tried to read Jess's book but couldn't focus so she looked out the window instead, sipping her drink from her large first class seat.

Rory tapped her long nails on the rim of the glass absently until the annoyed looks of those surrounding her arrested the movement and made her suddenly self-conscious. Rory took out her compact and looked into the mirror, looking closely at her face for the first time in a long while. She looked old and tired, and so un-Rory it was hard to recognize the Rory in her. All she saw was Leigh Huntzberger, middle aged at 31. Rory briefly thought about her mom at 31, how she had been so full of youth and energy and vivacity. 'I've sold my soul to the devil.' she thought looking down at the expensive clothes, shoes worth who knows how much, diamond earrings. She was wearing a dizzying amount of money on her body and it was her most basic outfit. Then she looked at the book. It was a better testament of feeling than any of the things she was wearing. If the dedication was for her than it was worth more than any of the clothes and shoes and jewelry that Logan paid for. 'Besides, I have a job, I can pay for my own things.' she thought bitterly.

She pulled the thin jacket around her shoulders a little tighter and looked resolutely out the window, trying her best not to think about what she was doing and who she was.

She awoke with a start to hear the announcement from the stewardess. They were landing. She groggily pushed the button to return her seat to the upright position and looked around for her things. She hastily ran her fingers through her hair (society hair, not Rory hair) and straightened her clothes. It both seemed like an instant and an eternity before they landed and Rory was standing nervously at the baggage claim. She had packed only a small bag but of course it had been too big to fit the new airline regulations and so here she was at baggage claim, waiting again. She was already on the phone trying to track down where Jess lived. And she had already discovered how far the name Huntzberger went. She had grown accustomed to throwing it around with impunity at every obstacle. At least there was one good thing about her marriage.

So twenty minutes later Rory had her luggage in hand and was traveling in a cab to Jess's apartment. She didn't know anything about him now. Did he live alone? Have roommates? Where did he work? How had he published a book? Would he even recognize her. And then suddenly, too late, Rory was hit with the certainty that the dedication wasn't for her, couldn't be after all this time. She felt choked with embarrassment. What was she doing? She took another sip from the drink she always had at hand and took a deep breath. She knew it was for her, who else could it be for? She and Jess had always had that connection that she'd never had with Logan, as much as she had wanted to. But Logan had needed her. Needed her as he lay there in that hospital bed, hurt and disoriented. That was the moment when she knew that she would marry him. And Jess had never needed anything. He seemed just as well with as without her. But now she needed him. She needed to feel some spark of love, a tiny bit of warmth, of recognition, of friendship even to break through the cold that had rested in her and overwhelmed her.

Shaking slightly Rory looked out the window, wondering if they were getting close. She tried to judge by the neighborhood what Jess would be like if he lived here. But her mind was too tired to go through such a complicated thought process.

She took another drink, feeling the alcohol in her system. Not enough to make her drunk, but enough to calm her nerves. Then the cab started to slow, and there is the sound of the turn signal, pulling over to the sidewalk. Rory looked out the window, seeing the tall buildings pushed together, creating anonymous apartments above all the businesses. The cab driver turned around to announce that they are there but Rory is already stepping out of the car, as if in a daze. She didn't even hear the total, just put a small wad of cash into his hand. He didn't question her, or give her time to reconsider the 150 tip she has just given him, just drove off after a quick 'thank-you'. Rory stepped up to the bookstore, looked in the window but it was closed. Of course it is, it's night. She looked at the doorbell on the side for the apartment above. Cautiously, after a moment of hesitation she rang the bell, standing there and waiting, desperately hoping that someone is home. Hoping that she isn't here, in Philadelphia, on a fools errand by herself at night.

A man's figure walks through the darkened store, comes to the door.

It isn't Jess.

"We're closed." he says.

Trembling slightly she asks in almost a whisper "Does Jess Mariano live here?"

The man gives her another, closer look. "What do you want with him?" he asked suspiciously, eying her expensive clothes.

"I'm an old friend." she said, wondering if she still had the right to make that claim after all these years.

He held the door open for her then and without another word headed through the store, to a back room and up the stairs.

Rory followed, her heart in her throat, aware that she was holding her bag and looked ridiculously out of place here.

The man opened the door at the top of the stairs which opened into a small, somewhat cluttered apartment. Well, somewhat cluttered was an understatement, it was practically a disaster.

"Hey Jess." he called. "Someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" a voice called from down another hallway in the apartment.

"Some lady. She says she's a friend." Then the man sat down on the couch, flipping on the tv.

The door down the hall opened and Jess walked out of the room, just fastening his belt from the pants he had obviously just put on. He wasn't wearing a shirt. And stopped short when he saw who was standing there.

"Rory?" he asked.

Rory felt like shouting 'Yes, it's me. Say my name again, please say my name again. Be mad at me if you want, don't want to talk to me, just please call me Rory again.'

But instead she just opened her mouth, no sound coming out. So instead she just stared at him.

It was definitely still Jess, just a little thicker, a little older looking, with more maturity to his face. His hair was still nearly the same, his eyes always the same. That slightly mocking expression still in his lips.

"Rory what are you doing here?" he finally asked again, as the door down the hall opened and a girl came out, wearing boxers and what was obviously Jess's t shirt.

"Jess who is it?" she asked, somewhat petulantly. "You're missing the rest of the show."

Rory realized her horrible mistake. Jess was here, living in an apartment, with a girl. A girl who wasn't her, and bore no resemblance to her.

This girl was obviously years younger, short pink hair in a pixie cut, green eyes, a few inches shorter than. Rory tried to recover. Tried to remember that she was a business woman. That she could handle anything. Instead she just stood there, dumb, knowing that this was probably the longest she had ever gone without saying anything. Or at least it felt like it. She willed herself to speak but no sound came from her mouth. This silence seemed to last an eternity before Jess spoke again.

"This is an old friend. A really old friend." He told the girl next to him.

Rory nodded, finding herself capable of that.

The girl eyed her critically, obviously seeing the haircut, the rings, the diamonds, the clothes, the shoes, the Birken bag.

"Umm." Rory said. She berated herself for having such poor control over language today.

Jess looked at her expectantly.

She looked down.

The man on the couch, who had let her in, snickered a little, finally spurring her to talk.

"I came to see how you were." she told Jess quietly.

He looked at her, eyes wide. "You just decided to visit me? How did you know where I lived?"

"Umm I made some calls." She scuffed her shoe on the floor.

"Why?" he asked.

"I just thought about you, and realized we hadn't talked in a while. I found your book." she said, holding up the copy she had bought.

"Oh." was all he said.

The girl interrupted him. "How do you two know each other?"

Jess turned to her "We lived in the same town in high school. And dated for a while. Rory this is Shelly Sherman and Shelly this is Rory Gil...?" He looked at Rory questioning.

"Huntzberger." she said, feeling completely stupid. What was she doing here?

Jess nodded, understanding. "When did you get married?" he asked.

"Seven years ago." she answered. She felt Jess's glance on her and was ashamed. They were the same age but she knew she looked years older.

Shelly stuck out her hand "Nice to meet you." she said, trying to sound friendly but still sounding confused.

"I'm going to watch the end of the show." she told Jess and headed back into the other room. Probably the bedroom Rory guessed. She couldn't imagine how she could stand here, fully clothed, and feel so self-conscious, while they were practically naked and appeared not to feel self-conscious at all.

Jess shot a look at the other man. He got up and left the room without a word.

"That was my roommate Ted." he explained. "Want to sit down?" he gestured towards the couch.

Rory nodded and sat down, Jess sitting on the arm of the couch.

"So why are you really here Rory?" he asked, looking into her face. Rory rejoiced at that name. She missed being Rory.

She took a deep breath. "I found your book. And I guess I just assumed that the dedication was for me." She blushed furiously, feeling like a little girl instead of a grown woman.

"It was for you. But Rory I wrote that book five years ago."

Mortified, Rory stared at the floor. She had never even checked the date.

"I don't know what I expected." she said. "I just wanted to see you again."

"But you're married, right?" he asked.

"If you can call it that." she said suddenly, then regretted her harsh words. Sure, she hated her husband but this wasn't the time to unload all over Jess.

"Look, this was stupid. I should go back home." she told him, standing up.

Characteristically, he just shrugged. "Okay." he said.

Rory looked up at him, and something in her eyes told him that this time was different than before, that she wasn't playing with him, that she needed help.

Rory pushed back tears. She couldn't face the fact of going back, back to Logan and that life. Suddenly he stood up too and she fell into his arms. Her eyes were dry but sobs wracked her chest. She smelled him and everything came rushing back to her. Those hurried make-out sessions in his apartment, knowing that Luke could come in at any second. All those times they had fought and made up. Their talks, their friendship. The memories were almost overwhelming, threatening to buckle her knees. She didn't know that similar thoughts were running through Jess's mind until she felt him, pressed against her, becoming aroused.

She stepped back, frightened. His raw sexuality scared her, his obvious desire, even after so many years. It had been so long since Rory had felt anything even close to desire, even closeness that the idea made her want to run. Logan was safe, even if he was cruel. This was uncontrolled, different, wild. It wasn't the Jess she had known who stood before her. It was a decade of difference separating them. It was a decade of growing apart, of changing. This man in front of her seemed so distant now from anything familiar. Jess was unapologetic, just looking at her intently, those dark eyes staring at her face. Rory could already smell some of her heavy perfume on him. For an instant she wanted to go to him, kiss him, but she was terrified, didn't even know if she knew how to kiss, to feel, to love. And there was the girl in the other room. The girl whose smell was probably still all over him too, clinging to him like a possessive marker.

Flustered, Rory picked up her bag. "I shouldn't be here."

She headed to the door but Jess stepped in front of her. "What happened to you Rory?" he asked. He could have been referring to any number of things, the way she dressed, smelled, looked. Her fright, her uncharacteristic shyness. But she knew instinctively that he was asking about her specifically. About Rory. Where was Rory?

"Jess so much has changed since I last saw you." she said, suddenly a grown woman again, world weary.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Jess so much has changed since I last saw you." she said, suddenly a grown woman again, world weary._

Jess smiled slightly at her. "I can tell." he surveyed her clothes.

Rory suddenly felt ashamed of them. They were expensive, and ugly. Matronly. Way too old for someone her age. She had unconsciously lit a cigarette. Jess looked at her, bemused.

Rory felt more self conscious than she had felt in years. Someone was looking at her, actually really looking at her, and she felt exposed under his glance.

This contemplation was interrupted by a shout from the back. "Fuck you asshole!" shouted the girl.

"Screw you, bitch!" the other man yelled, but their tone wasn't totally serious.

Jess looked amused, Rory looked concerned.

"Brother and sister." he explained, as if that answered all her questions. Rory realized that she was so out of touch with the rest of the world, she couldn't even remember what she had been like growing up. What normal people were like. The girl, Shelly, came back out, fully dressed now. "Ted put the turtle on me." she explained, flopping onto the floor in front of the couch. Jess laughed a little.

Rory sat, completely awkward, not knowing what to say.

The girl turned to her. "So what's your story?" she asked bluntly.

Rory had become so accustomed not to speaking that it was an effort now to get out words. Jess saved her from having to explain, even though he didn't know himself.

"Hey kid, give us some time." Shelly looked slightly hurt at first, then stood up with a slight shrug, put on a coat and headed to the door.

"Fine. I'll come back later, when you're hopefully not such an asshole." she closed the door behind her a little too loudly.

"Kids." Jess said to Rory's reproachful look.

"Isn't she your girlfriend?" Rory asked. Jess gave her a half smile. "Not exactly." he answered.

"Hey" interrupted Ted. "If you insist on screwing my sister would you at least keep it to your room." he said, holding up a condom wrapper. "This was by my bed."

Jess laughed a little. "Not mine." he said. Ted just shook his head a little, with a smile.

Rory's eyes widened. What kind of life were they living? How could someone she had been so close to possibly be living a life so different from hers. Didn't they care? Wasn't sex an issue? She suddenly had the intense realization that she didn't belong here, couldn't fit in in Jess's world anymore, not after so long, not after all that had happened.

She hastily stood up, grabbing her coat and putting out her cigarette. "I have to go. I have to go home." She almost choked on the word home.

"Will I see you again?" Jess asked, knowing it was pointless to try and stop her.

She nodded almost unconsciously.

Without even knowing what she was doing she half whispered "My husband has a business trip next weekend. I'll come back then."

That was all she said before she slipped out the door, down the stairs, leaving Jess staring after her completely mystified.

Rory was back at home before she was even really missed. She had been gone a total of 9 hours, round trip. She lay in bed as if she had never left, just sleeping in, calling in sick to work. She laughed a little. The whole crazy adventure, her little escape, and no one even knew about it. She was rich enough to immediately get on any flight, no delays, no thought to who was bumped. She almost wished that Logan had caught her. Either way she knew she was in the wrong to run off like that, but at least something might change between them. Would he fight for her? Get some affection back or would he let her go, scorn her? Rory was morbidly curious. How would Logan react if their perfect little family broke up?

She fell asleep, leaving a note for the maid not to disturb her. She wasn't feeling well and wanted to sleep. Just be ready to bring breakfast at the bell.

Rory felt daring almost a week later when she got ready to once again catch a flight to Philadelphia. She didn't know Jess's number, so just hoped that somehow he would be there, and they could have a weekend together, as old friends. He was obviously involved with someone but judging from the condom wrapper incident it didn't seem monogamous. Did Jess still have feelings for her? She dug deep in her closet to find something to wear, something that wouldn't make her feel as stupid as she had the last time. She told Logan to call the cell phone, it was easier to carry around. Of course Logan would call, he always did, every night, no matter what, when he was away on trips. Which he was nearly every weekend. His calls were prompt, professional and perfunctory. They lasted almost exactly ten minutes each time, asking how her day was, how the house was, if the servants were working and not giving her any trouble, telling her that his trip was going well, and oh yes, I bought you a present. No, he wouldn't tell her what, it would be a surprise. And when Rory hung up the phone she would catch a glimpse of the maids looking at each other meaningfully, envious of her. Envious of an illusion, but Rory played her part as well and kept the illusion alive, same as Logan.

So he would call on the cell phone when he called, which he would, and she would be in Philadelphia with Jess. Rory smiled. It felt pretty good being bad.

She finally found a skirt that didn't look too rich, and a more casual shirt. She packed her bag for the weekend, throwing in her sexiest panties and bras. Of course they all were sexy, rich, silky, lacy. But no one but herself ever saw them, or had seen them for years. Rory ran her hands over them, trying to feel them the way someone else would feel them. She realized that she hadn't consciously felt something in a long long time. She had gotten so used to touching she never felt anymore. And she herself was the opposite, she had gotten so used to not being touched she felt she had forgotten how to feel, to experience touch anymore. Or love, or even friendship. Those were the most abstract concepts to her now, where before they had seemed so real. Before the money it was all she had.

She called Walker, leaving a message on her cell saying she was sick this weekend, to stay away, it was probably infectious, and to call the cell if she needed something. Oh and tell the others.

Then Rory headed out the door with a sort of reckless carefree attitude that almost made her feel alive. Would have made her feel good if her stomach wasn't so knotted she could barely stand. Jess had never been the most reliable person, but surely even he would like a little more warning when someone breezed in and out of his life. And his looks said that he still cared. There had been sympathy in his eyes but they had also searched her, had seen how old and small and tired she had become.

Rory chain smoked on the way to the airport, annoyed that smoking wasn't allowed on flights. No exceptions, not even for her.

She slept through the plane ride again, arriving in Philadelphia with plane hair and sleepy eyes. But a quick trip to the crowded bathroom fixed her looks, so she grabbed her bag, got a cab and gave him the address. She had memorized it, said it a million times to herself at night to help her sleep. She was afraid of Jess, afraid of the possibilities he opened up for her. But like a horrifying car crash she couldn't stay away, no matter how much the fear paralyzed her. It was one of those moments in life where she had to choose. She could ignore it, go back home and continue with her life. Or she could begin something that she already knew would end badly. Had to end badly. There was no way to win this situation. But it promised a brief period of bliss, and that promised tantalized her. Maybe it would be a minute, maybe a week, maybe a month or more, but it seemed worth the chance.

She stepped out of the cab, handing the driver some bills and walked up to the door, ringing the bell more confidently this time.

Jess came to the door this time, a smile on his face. But Rory still knew him well enough to see her own fear reflected back to her in his eyes. He didn't know what was going to happen any more than she did.

Then without saying a word he pulled her inside. The door barely had time to shut before his mouth found hers and Rory realized with a stunned amazement that she was being kissed! For the first time in a long time she was being kissed! And not only that, she was being kissed by someone who wasn't her husband. That was the last lucid thought she had before she just gave into the feeling, her bag falling unnoticed to the floor, her hands limp at her sides. She didn't even have the power to react, to grab him, hold him to her, just stood there passive and lived the kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Jess finally pulled away, staring searchingly into her eyes once more. There were tears there, but something about her also begged him to continue.

He was about to when he realized with some awkwardness that if they had sex now it would be there first time. And that they hadn't really talked in years. These sobering thoughts made him stop and consider the situation. So, instead of following every urge in his body he reached down and grabbed her bag, heading up the stairs. He didn't even consider that she might not want the same thing he did. He knew that as scared as she was, she was here, had come here to see him, and her eyes begged for affection. There was no thought of taking advantage of her. She was an adult and she was here. And they had always had a special bond.

He heard her following him silently up the stairs.

Once upstairs she looked around for signs of life.

"I'm home alone." he assured her. "Do you know what you are doing? I mean really know?"

He asked, wanting to make absolutely sure.

She sat silent for a minute, her face almost blank but he could see the pain behind her eyes.

Then she nodded, a nod that to her ended a marriage or at least began an affair. That was enough assurance for Jess and he grabbed her arm, pushing her against the back of the couch with the violence of his kiss. This time she reacted as well, but slowly, clumsily. It was as if she was relearning to ride a bike. Of course thats someone one doesn't forget, but it does get practice to get back to the former level of skill.

Her hands grabbed his face, his arms, drawing him down on her with a desperation she had never felt before.

Jess couldn't believe that this was Rory he was kissing, Rory he was on top of on an old couch in his messy apartment. Rory smelling of Chanel and cigarettes and lust. He can smell the lust on her, even over all the other scents she has tried to cover herself with. He reacted automatically. There was never that much need to talk between them, he instinctively knew what to do, how to hold her, to touch her. Rory tugged somewhat frantically on his shirt and Jess slipped it off in one fluid motion, at the same time handling her shirt, trying to get it off as well while kissing her, her face, her neck, her lips. His hands tore at the fabric, unable to stop or slow down know. Their chemistry was the same it ever was, but now unleashed and unrestrained. Neither of them were holding back now, thinking of logic or reasons or any other excuses that had always kept them from having sex. They weren't high school kids anymore, and this wasn't puppy love. It wasn't even love right now, just pure desire and that took over their bodies, giving their hands a life of their own. They were drawn to each other, unable to stop or slow down.

Rory looked momentarily concerned. Her shirt was torn. But then desire took over all other concerns and she quickly shed the remnants. Jess kissed her breasts, what showed above her bra, then pushing the bra aside took her nipples in his mouth, covering them with passionate kisses and small bites. Rory could feel him pressing against her leg, hard and demanding and so very much alive that it frightened her. His urgency increased but it had been so long that Rory felt with some frustration that she wasn't wet. She rolled over him and pushed him down onto the couch, laying on top of him, pressing against him. He reached around, unclasping her bra and her breasts fell free of it, brushing against his chest. She touched his chest, feeling over it, rejoicing in how solid it was. This wasn't a dream, a daydream, a fantasy. This was a real person, touching her, holding her, wanting her. And she was touching this real person back, reaching for his pants, undoing the button that held them into place. Jess helped her to slide them down, leaving him naked and exposed. It briefly occurred to Rory that she had never seen him naked before, but then she gave herself to the experience again, putting other thoughts out of her mind. She kissed his chest, his stomach, felt his hands over her back, her arms, her breasts. She moved lower, taking him into her mouth with desire. Jess's breath changed a little, drew in sharply as her warm, moist mouth enclosed him. She moved her tongue around him, enjoying the taste, the thought of what she was doing. How long had it been since she had done this? 5 years? 6? Jess's hand caressed her hair, the back of her head as she moved her mouth slowly on him. His breath was more uneven now, his hand tightened on her hair, his toes curled involuntarily. Rory moved slightly faster, using her hand as well to create an even rhythm. Suddenly Jess stopped her, almost pushing her away. "We have to slow down." he said in a hoarse whisper. "I can't hold on much longer."

She turned back to him with a small smile, an almost triumphant smile. Maybe Rory Gilmore (Leigh Huntzberger) wasn't so unattractive after all. Maybe she wasn't repellent and useless, dried up and old. Maybe she still had that something about her that had always attracted guys to her, that had interested Logan. In this moment Rory felt powerful. She felt like she owned him. And that feeling was what she needed for the gates that had been closed for so long to open again. Rory felt her desire surge the way she hadn't felt in years. She felt the spot between her thighs growing moist, a tingle growing, traveling up to her belly, tightening the muscles in her stomach and side. Jess grabbed for his pants on the floor, pulled out a condom and tried to put it on but his hands were shaking. Rory knew that this was different than the sex he had with other girls, that this was something more.

Rory straddled him on the couch, kissing his chest as he tried to fit on the condom. "No chance you're on birth control?" he asked.

Rory laughed a little. "Sorry no. Think banana."

"Oh that helps." Jess said sarcastically but finally got it on without too much more effort.

Rory lay on top of him, resting her weight on him as they groped each other, mouths fighting each other.

Finally she positioned herself carefully and he slid in in one quick motion. Rory caught her breath, a mixture of pleasure and pain filling her. It felt almost like her first time again, although that had happened so many years ago. She vaguely remembered hearing that it grew back after five years, but that was probably some stupid myth. Jess let out a slight groan as she moved her hips rhythmically against him. He put his hands on her hips and helped her rock back and forth, staring up at her face, her bare chest moving with the thrust of her hips. Rory sat up a little until he hit the perfect spot, closing her eyes a little with a slight moan.

Then, all too soon, it ended. Jess groaned aloud and relaxed. He looked apologetically up at Rory, who had collapsed on top of him.

She gave him a small smile to tell him that everything was fine, and there would be time for more later.

She struggled back into her clothes and they hung awkwardly on her, sticking to her from the sweat.

Jess also slipped back into his clothes and sat next to her, his arm around her. Rory leaned her head on his shoulder.

"What are we doing?" she asked quietly, so quietly that she wondered if he even heard.

"That's up to you." he said, flicking a remote that turned on the stereo. Rory smiled. Jess always had his stereo on.

Before Rory could answer her cell phone rang. She looked at the number and said in harsh whisper to Jess "It's my husband. Turn off the music and be quiet."

He complied quickly, but looked somewhat disappointed at the lengths she was going to hide this.

"Hey Logan."

"Hey Leigh, how is everything?"

"Fine." She glanced at Jess to see how he was feeling, but couldn't get a read on him.

"I heard you were sick."

"Oh yeah, but I'm okay. How's the trip?" Rory tried to make herself sound slightly more ill.

"Good. I got you something."

"What?" She asked, trying to sound interested.

"You'll have to wait and see."

"Fine."

"I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Okay." Rory clicked the phone shut. "He always calls when he is on business trips." she explained. "I can stay tonight but then I have to leave tomorrow afternoon."

Jess just looked at her. "Are you coming back?" he asked.

"Next weekend. He's gone again."

"Won't he notice all the plane trips?" Jess asked.

"Why would he look at my credit card bills? Money means nothing to him, the bills just get paid." She explained.

"So you'll just fly out on weekends when he is gone?" Jess asked.

Rory nodded. "It should be pretty easy to do."

Jess nodded, understanding their situation. "Well then I'll have to look forward to the weekends."

"Let's get something to eat." suggested Rory, quickly changing the subject. It was way too soon to talk about it, to discuss anything serious. And who knows, tomorrow he might change his mind, not want to be with her anymore.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Some really authentic American-Chinese food." she said with a smile. "All we ever get is the fancy expensive genuine crap."

Jess picked up the phone. "I'll get it delivered."

She smiled a little. "Perfect."


	6. Chapter 6

By the time the Chinese food arrived Jess and Rory were talking about their lives over the last few years. Jess told Rory how he and Tom ran the bookstore, worked on a zine together, wrote reviews of local bands. Rory smiled as he talked. It was nice to hear someone enjoy his job so much. She did notice that he was very careful to leave Shelly out of any story or anecdote and wondered, but didn't ask him about it. In turn she told him how she had been married for 10 years, how she and her husband barely spoke anymore, how her friends were mostly brain dead, how she didn't like her job.

"What happened?" he asked her. "You had everything, you were going to do everything."

Rory gave him a wry smiled. "I got married." she said. But she found that she couldn't tell him everything she wanted to. She couldn't tell him just how stifling her marriage was. She couldn't explain how she felt overwhelmed by all the social responsibilities and how much she despised everyone around her.

But the night got better when they went to bed. Rory, exhausted, had turned out the lights, cuddling next to him when she felt his hand caressing her, moving across her body. She shuddered slightly, pressing against him until Jess rolled her over onto her back and lay on top of her, the weight of his body feeling close to crushing her, but it was a delicious feeling. His strong hands wandered over her, down to the area between her legs where she was already beginning to get wet.

Rory moaned a little as he touched her, pushed her hips up against him. When Jess entered her this time they worked together, mouths joined, hips thrusting in unison, instead of the near battle it had seemed like the first time.

When it ended Rory rolled over, cuddled against him and fell asleep, the best sleep she had had in a very long time.

Rory slept in the next day, the best sleep she had gotten in many years. She woke up so late that she and Jess barely had time for a quick breakfast before she had to leave. Rory had to hurry to the airport if she wanted to get home in time to meet Logan coming back from his business trip.

So Jess just gave her a long, passionate goodbye kiss and saw her on the plane, wondering the same things she was about the future of Jess and Rory.

While Rory was waiting in the airport she thought about the weekend and glowed. It had been perfect, fantastic, she didn't want to go back home ever. She picked up her phone and dialed her mom's number.

"Hello?" The familiar voice asked.

"Hey Mom, it's me."

"Hey kid, what's up?"

"I think my marriage is over..." Rory said.

Rory was sitting in her same old place when Logan got back, but she looked different. Her clothes and hair were the same but she had a glow about her, something he hadn't seen in a very long time. The sight of her, looking almost radiant stirred something in Logan that had been dormant for so long. So, almost unconsciously he went to her, sat on the couch. "Want to watch tv?" he asked.

Rory looked up at him with some surprise. She tried to read if this was another trick, if he wanted something. But he seemed genuine so she flipped on the tv, handing him the remote and gave him a small smile as he flipped through the channels. It was by far the most intimacy they had in years, and Rory felt a tingling of excitement inside. Yes, she should hate him, but she didn't. She shouldn't read to much into this tiny little act, but it was an act, a step, and effort that he never bothered to make anymore. And if he was capable of reviving some interest in her than he really couldn't hate her. Maybe their marriage had a chance after all.

They sat, side by side, for several hours that evening. Rarely speaking, but there was a new connection there between them, and Logan walked her to her room that night, looking close to giving her a kiss. But he pulled back, turned and walked to his own room.

It was the look he gave her just before leaving that stopped her from telling him everything she had intended to. She had meant to tell him it was over, she was leaving, she couldn't stand him, didn't want to be with him anymore. And then there he was, charming and beautiful and he looked at her, saw her, spoke to her. And that stopped her tongue. What if there was a chance for her marriage? What if Jess didn't really want a relationship with her? What if he was fine with just weekend visits, sporadic, passionate sexual encounters? She hadn't told her mom about Jess, or anything. Just that she wasn't sure her marriage was working out. It wasn't too late to go back, to re-evaluate the situation, to stick it out with Logan just a little longer. Maybe she wasn't missing some chance by not leaving him.

Rory visited Jess the next weekend again, and again they had an amazing time together. It was a weekend of sex and Thai food, movies and burritos. Rory had almost forgotten all the things she used to love and so it was like meeting herself all over again when she spent time with Jess. He still remembered everything she used to love and Rory was startled to realize that she still loved it too. The only thing she couldn't recapture the magic of was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was too carefree, too whimsical and she couldn't understand it anymore. Jess had always laughed at her for liking it anyway.

Before she had to leave again Jess looked her straight in the face, serious for once.

"How are things at home?" he asked, in a hushed voice.

Rory knew what he was asking. He was asking if her marriage was over, if she was leaving Logan. She couldn't give him what he wanted, not right now. It was too much to ask to leave everything she had built for the last decade and throw it away for someone with a track record of being unreliable.

"Fine. I'll be able to come back next weekend." was all she said. She could see the hurt in Jess's eyes. He nodded, and in that gesture the mood of the weekend was ruined. She knew he wasn't going to talk about it but was sure he was hurt. He drove her to the airport in his old car, dropped her off with a perfunctory hug and a kiss.

"I'll see you soon?" She said, making it sound like a question.

He nodded again. "Next weekend." he said.

Then Rory walked into the airport and back into her old life.

Logan was home when she got back.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"Just out shopping." she said, noticing that his bags still stood in the hall. He must have just gotten home.

"Want to go out for dinner?" he asked.

Rory was amazed. They rarely did anything together that wasn't some social obligation.

"Sure. Let me shower and change and I'll be ready." she said, her eyes lighting up a little. Logan's recent kindness was confusing to her. She had always been able to count on him to be cold and indifferent but to take care of her. And now he was being at least a little attentive. He never asked where she went or what she did unless it directly involved him, and now he was showing concern, asking her out to eat. Could it possibly be just the two of them? Would they talk?

Logan flashed her a quick smile that still was capable of melting her heart. She felt a surge of attraction to him that had been absent for a long time. Her sex drive was reawakened and she had found a voracious desire for sex that had been suppressed for so long.

Their dinner was wonderful. In classic Logan style he took her out to somewhere extremely fancy but got them an outside table, in a corner, that was private and intimate. And they talked. And laughed. Logan asked her about her job, told her details about his life and work. It was the intimacy that had been missing for so long. Rory wondered what had possibly changed to make him treat her like this, not knowing that Jess had made her beautiful again. She sparkled and radiated. His love and attention had brought light back into her eyes, straightened her posture, made her walk with confidence. Her secret had put a small smile in the corner of her lips, and impish look to her face that made her look years younger.

Logan was fascinated by this change in her, not sure where it came from. He never doubted her constancy to him, but couldn't figure out how his frumpy Leigh had transformed into a girl again.

After dinner they walked, hand in hand, down the street, looking in shop windows and enjoying the evening.

That night Logan held his bedroom door open for her.

"Do you want to sleep in here Leigh?" he asked her.

Rory trembled a little, completely conflicted. If she said yes that could mean life for her marriage, it could save it. If she said no it could be over forever.

Finally, still unsure, she nodded and followed him inside.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Apparently there was some trouble with chapter 7. I'm reposting it and that hopefully should fix the problem. Sorry if you couldn't read it at first.

* * *

Rory woke up the next morning full of doubt. She didn't really regret what she had done. After all, she had just had sex with her husband. One shouldn't regret that. But she couldn't find a way to regret Jess either. So here she was, after seven years of marriage, living a double life, actually sleeping with her husband, talking to her husband, still longing for Jess. Unable to wait to see him. She couldn't figure out what to do. Was it possible to live in the middle like this? Be a creature of two worlds? Jess and Logan were completely different. She had Jess had always had this unbelievable connection, one that couldn't be defined or explained. But Logan was her husband. They had been together for more than a decade. They had been through so much together. She still loved him. Loved him like a habit she couldn't break.

She rolled over a little, then realized that it would just be too awkward to have Logan wake up next to her. So she got up quickly, throwing on a robe over her panties, the only things she was wearing, and rushed out of the room, almost laughing at herself. Running away from her own husband so he wouldn't wake up next to her. She snorted a little, holding back the laughter. Scampering away like a booty call not a wife. She sat down on a seat in the hall, laughing until her stomach cramped. The entire situation was so ridiculous. She was cheating on her husband with her high school boyfriend, now her weekend boyfriend. She had just cheated on her weekend boyfriend with her husband. She had just slept with her husband for the first time in at least five years. She had just bolted from the room where he had invited her. Rory finally straightened up, going to her own room and lighting a cigarette. Out of courtesy to Logan she hadn't smoked in his room. Then she got in the shower and got ready, giving herself the extra time she needed to look really great. Hopefully Logan wouldn't regret what they did either, or worse ignore it and pretend it never happened. She couldn't go back to that stifling dislike anymore, not after experiencing intimacy again. She couldn't exactly call it love, her husband certainly couldn't love her again so suddenly, but it was at least passion, interest, care. Maybe friendship?

By the time the weekend came, Rory and Logan had three significant moments together since their night together. He had smiled at her at breakfast that morning, and kissed her on the cheek as he left for work. She had conceded that she was quitting her job and he told her she was doing the right thing, and finally they had spent one more night together. Rory couldn't believe everything that was happening. Of course she still had to see Jess to be Rory, but at least Leigh was happier at home. Logan left early on Friday morning, and having quit her job (no two weeks, just called and said she wasn't coming back) Rory had no other obligations so she took an earlier flight out to surprise Jess.

The store was open and Ted was sitting behind the register. She smiled at him and gave him a slight wave. Her bag was packed with some clothes she intended to keep here, in Jess's closet. He hadn't offered her the space but she knew that he wouldn't mind. He was always so happy to see her. It was stuff she wouldn't wear in front of Logan anyway, t shirts and tank tops, a couple older skirts. Rory walked quietly up the stairs, waiting for the smile on Jess's face when he saw her a day early. She opened the door at the top of the stairs, looking around but didn't see Jess. He must still be asleep. She walked to his bedroom door and opened it softly, then stopped, her hand falling from the doorknob.

There was Jess, in bed, and he wasn't alone. Shelly was there in the bed with him. Rory's face burned. She felt embarrassed and angry. Jess woke up, saw her there, then looked over at the girl next to him.

Rory was about to turn, to walk away, shocked and amazed, not sure what to think. He was her Jess, the Jess who had told her he loved her, dedicated a book to her, been with her the last couple weeks, and here he was in bed with some kid. Jess jumped up, caught her arm but she shook his hand away. Shelly stirred in bed, sitting up. "What's going on?" she asked, sleepily.

"Rory's here." Jess explained.

The girl sat up. "I guess I'd better go." She grabbed her clothes from the side of the bed and walked into the bathroom to change out of her pajamas.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Rory exclaimed. She had sure found her voice this time!

Jess looked at her, amazed. "She lives here." he told her.

"In your bed?" Rory asked, furious.

"Are you still married?" He demanded in return, his voice hard. He of course already knew the answer.

His eyes stared into her and Rory felt herself withering under his gaze.

"Yes." she almost whispered.

"Did you tell your husband you wanted a divorce?" he asked, with an edge to his voice.

"No." she responded, almost mechanically.

"Did you leave him a note? Give him a hint? Ask for a trial separation?" Jess's eyes were locked onto her, hard and unyielding, and she looked down to avoid his gaze.

She shook her head slightly.

"Then you have no right to tell me what to do. I'm not yours, you have no right to have expectations for me. I'm free, I can do whatever I want. And you're an adult, you can have sex with anyone you want to, but you can't tell me who I can't have sex with."

Tears spilled from Rory's eyes.

"You're married Rory, and you don't seem in a hurry to change that. You made it perfectly clear last weekend that you intended to keep your marriage. I can't save you. I'm not even important enough for you to consider being with."

Jess grabbed his shirt and left the room, putting it on as he left.

Rory sat on the end of the bed, tears spilling down her cheeks. She looked angrily at the door where Jess had left but knew he wasn't wrong. She wasn't sure about her marriage, about Jess, about their situation. She was just here, living in the moment, so he was right, why wouldn't he do the same?

Rory got up, going after him. This time she caught his arm.

"Jess you're right, I don't own you. But I want to be with you." Rory knew she was just saying this to buy time. She didn't know what she wanted, didn't know who to choose.

He looked at her, eyes still angry.

"I'm going to tell him." She insisted to Jess. She didn't want to tell him about that slight ray of hope that had crept into her marriage and prevented her from telling Logan. "Just not yet."

"When?" Jess asked. "What are you waiting for?"

"It's just going to be this whole big deal. I'll be a pariah." Rory said.

"Who cares? You'll be far away, here in Philadelphia. You said you hated your job, well you can get a new one here. And you said you hated your friends, all those society people and functions. Forget them, start over here with me."

Rory sighed a little. "I will tell him." she repeated. "It's just not that easy to end a marriage."

He softened a little. "I know it's not, but it just seems like I don't mean anything to you. Not really."

"You could have at least talked to me." Rory said, unwilling to let go of her jealousy. Shelly emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed.

"See you later." she called to Jess as she walked out of the apartment.

Jess was defensive again. "Hey I'll take what I can get. I don't expect everything and I'm not going to wait around until everything I ever wanted falls in my lap. Life isn't like that and I don't expect it to be. So yes, I'll take companionship when I can get it, and take my job for what it is. If you want to be with me that's great, but if you only want me part time don't expect me to wait around for you."

"Jess just please give me some time to sort everything out." Rory almost begged. "It takes time. I need to figure out the job situation and the money situation and find a way to tell him. I don't know whats going to happen. We are going to be the gossip of New York high society. Just please wait for me. I want to be with you, and just you, so will you do the same for me?" At that moment she believed it, too. When Rory was around Jess all she could think was Jess. She couldn't think of her home and Logan without a small shudder of revulsion. But at home... that was different. Her need for love was so great, she had depended on him for so long, hoping for some little affection, and there it was. Home was different now. And Logan had always been able to charm her, no matter what. But at this moment Rory felt fully committed to leaving him. She wasn't lying when she said it wouldn't be easy, that there were so many factors to consider, that it would take time.

Jess looked at her, taking a deep breath. "Technically, Shelly is my girlfriend. Things have always been pretty casual between me and Shelly but we were sort of dating. You were the girl on the side, or at least it started that way. I mean she knew I was with you and I know she's been with other people, we just figured that in the end we would settle on each other. But that's changed. You aren't the girl on the side anymore, you're the one I want to be with. I just didn't really know how to tell you that I've been with her during this time too. And then when you seemed to take our relationship so casually I didn't feel the need to justify my relationship with Shelly. But I'll break up with her, because you're the one I want. And if you are committed to our relationship then I'll be committed to just you. I know it's not going to be easy, but if you are serious about ending your marriage I'll wait for you. Just tell him, start the process. It's not going to get any easier."

Rory nodded, committed to doing just that when she got back home.


	8. Chapter 8

Rory was sitting in the living room when Logan got back from his trip. She stood up, shaking, about to confess to him that she had been with Jess, that she wanted to be with Jess. She was still almost drunk from Jess. She could still smell him on her, smell his shampoo in her hair, feel his hands on her, his lips on her.

She was opening her mouth to blurt it out when he stopped her.

"Hey Ace." he said.

That name, his old nickname for her, stopped her tongue more effectively than anything else he could have said. He hadn't called her by a pet name since before they were married. He didn't call her anything but Leigh, and referred to her as Mrs. Huntzberger or "the wife".

"Hey Logan." she said. She noticed his eyes on her and realized that her wardrobe had changed considerably over the last few weeks. Her clothes, while still ridiculously expensive, were younger, sexier, more bold.

"I missed you." he said. Tears stung Rory's eyes. It was what she had been waiting to hear for years. Some acknowledgment. Some sign that he cared at all. And here it was, everything she had wanted for years in front of her. But was it still what she wanted?

She smiled a little. "I missed you too." she said, softly.

Logan came over, kissing her hand and Rory knew that she couldn't tell him. Couldn't confess. It wasn't possible.

"I'm taking next weekend off." He told her. "I wanted some time to be with you."

Rory's heart jumped into her throat. She didn't know what to say so she just smiled at him. What about Jess? She didn't even has his phone number, how could she let him know that she wasn't coming, couldn't come? What conclusions would he jump to? That she was done with him? That she didn't want to be with him? Would he assume that Logan hadn't left or she was sick or just couldn't make it? Would he realized that she did want to see him, was already desperate to see him although it had only been a few hours since they said goodbye at the airport.

And the other thought that occurred almost simultaneously was a happy one. Logan wanted to spend time with her!

"I'd like that." she said cautiously, trying to hide how happy that made her.

Rory agonized the entire next weekend about what Jess was thinking. They couldn't reach each other. It was better, they had both agreed. No phone numbers to find, to carelessly leave around. And Rory had made Jess fully aware of the possible repercussions of the news getting out early, before she could tell Logan. One unfortunate story in a New York newspaper could ruin everything. At least if she could talk to Logan before everything she was doing was spilled in the newspaper for everyone to read they could work something out, come to some sort of terms, have some kind of amicable separation. But if he was embarrassed by her Logan Huntzberger would be her enemy. She knew that for a fact.

But even though she was living in secret turmoil, she did enjoy the time she spent with Logan. They had watched a couple movies, went to a play, went out to dinner. It had been amazing. And she had spent every night with him, in his room.

But the next weekend Rory was once again on a plane to Philadelphia. She couldn't stay away from Jess, no matter how good her weekend with Logan had been. She craved Jess.

When he saw her though he looked less than thrilled. He didn't mention the missed weekend but he could immediately read on her face what she didn't want him to know.

"You still haven't told him." Jess said, more a statement than a question.

"No not yet. I just can't start. Logan and I don't even really talk anymore, I don't know how to bring it up." Rory knew this was a small lie but she needed some time to figure everything out. She wasn't ready to give up on either of them just yet. Or she needed something or someone to make the decision for her.

"Just tell him it's over." Jess said. "It's that easy."

"It's not that easy." Rory insisted. "Maybe I can do something, some gesture that will show him it's over. Like pierce my nose or get a tattoo or something."

Jess smiled a little. "You want to pierce your nose?"

"Well something like that. Something crazy and rebellious and you."

On a whim Rory walked into the tattoo parlor they were passing. Jess followed, with a grin on his face, enjoying this new crazy side to Rory.

"Now what should I get?" Rory asked, looking around at the designs. "What about this fish?" She felt reckless at the thought of losing Jess. She felt incapable of telling Logan. Maybe she did need to make a big gesture that would end things, one way or another. No thinking, just doing. Let something else make up her mind for her.  
"You don't even like fish." Jess reminded her.

"Right." Rory wandered around a little more. The other patrons stared at her, but she didn't care. This felt like freedom.

"What about some sort of symbol." Suggested Jess.

"I don't know. Those Chinese symbols are so over done." Rory said. "I want to get something, I'm just really not sure what."

"You know you're going to regret this." Jess said.

"Probably." she agreed cheerfully. "But isn't that the point of a tattoo. You rush out and get one while you are drunk or something, love it for a year or two, slowly regret it, think about what you would have done differently, look at all the cooler designs, then spiral into complete regret of getting a tattoo at all, pay an inordinate amount of money to have it removed, which won't work so you try the whole Angelina Jolie thing, which turns out worse than the original tattoo..."

Jess finally covered her mouth with his hand to stop her tirade on tattoos and regret.

"I'm too sober for this." Rory finally stated. "I need to get drunk and then choose."

"Probably not the best idea.." Jess said cautiously.

"Since when did you become Mr. Rational. I just think I'm doing this crazy rebellion thing in my 30's I should go all out, get drunk and stupid. And it will probably be a lot easier to choose. And the design doesn't matter too much, it's the statement behind the tattoo that really matters."

Jess shrugged. "You're choice I guess. Just make sure it's something that can be covered by a cross."

"Of course." said Rory and lead him back out. "Now lets go get drunk!"

So their brilliant plan was set in motion and five hours later Rory stumbled out of the tattoo parlor giggling, an anarchy symbol on her hip.

"Oh my god I can't believe I just did that!" she exclaimed.

Jess lifted her shirt a little to look at it. "Makes you look badass." he said, then pulled her close for a kiss on the sidewalk.

"So I guess that's it.." Rory said. "When he sees that it will definitely be over. There is no way I could explain that away even if I wanted too."

Jess smiled at her. "Don't worry about that. I'll be here waiting when you're free."

He put his arm around her as they walked down the street together.

Of course Rory once again felt completely unsure once she was back at home. Logan was being nice to her, she was much more relaxed now that she wasn't working. Logan had even asked her mom to have dinner with them during the week. Luke couldn't make it, but Rory didn't care, she was excited to see her mom.

Their relationship had changed a lot since Rory and Logan had gotten married but there was always that bond between them that no amount of time, space or money could erase. Logan didn't really like Lorelai coming to visit, mostly because it made his wife happy. He didn't like when she was made happy by something that wasn't him. But this time it was different, he had invited her so his wife was grateful, which meant that he was still in control of her happiness. Logan had always enjoyed the power he had over his wife, how he knew he could make her happy or unhappy on a whim. But she was being good and she deserved this.


	9. Chapter 9

Lorelai sat across the table, looking significantly at her daughter. She hadn't heard from her in weeks, not since Rory told her mom that she thought her marriage was over. But then here she was, having a normal family dinner with her husband, acting as if nothing had happened. Rory saw the looks and knew that she had to tell her mom something. But she wasn't sure herself, so what would she be able to tell her mother?

Rory avoided her meeting her mom's eye during dinner. Lorelai was obviously waiting for the official announcement, the mutual statement that they were separating but it didn't come. In fact their relationship looked like it was better than she had seen it before when she came to visit them. Less... stuffy and fake somehow. Had they reconciled?

Rory wasn't surprised when her mom cornered her alone after dinner.  
"So what's going on?" her mom asked, trying to sound casual.

Rory didn't meet her eyes. "Mom, what I said to you on the phone, forget it. I was just mad at him about something."

"Kid you didn't sound mad, you sounded serious. Like it was something you put a lot of thought into. So tell me what's going on with you. You call me out of the blue, tell me your marriage is over, then hang up as quickly as you can. I don't hear from you in weeks and then suddenly Logan calls and invites me to dinner and you two are here all lovey-dovey."

Rory sighed. She looked around to make sure that Logan or one of the servants weren't around.

"Okay I'll tell you. But it stays between us. I'm not sure if my marriage is over. The marriage hasn't exactly been great lately, or for a while. But it was fine, he didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't really working. And then I ran into Jess... and something happened."

Lorelai's eyes widened in shock. For once she didn't know what to say.  
"I've been seeing Jess every weekend, and it's been great." Rory confessed. "But then something changed and Logan's been acting completely different towards me. It's almost like when we were first married all over again. So originally I was sure I wanted out, and now I'm not so sure. And Jess keeps wanting me to leave Logan."

"Rory you can't leave your husband for Jess!" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Why not?" Rory asked, although she could think of a million reasons herself.

"Because you are having an affair. You don't know how serious he is, or committed, or what's going on with him now. I mean Rory he has never been very reliable. You shouldn't throw away a marriage for less than a sure thing. Even if Jess is really the guy you want to be with don't rush out of your marriage because he might not feel the same way. And Logan deserves to know what's going on. Honey if you don't love Logan anymore you need to tell him, and leave the relationship. It's never a good idea to start a new relationship before you are done with the old one."

Rory sighed. "I know." she said somewhat sullenly, feeling 16 again. "I just don't know what to do. It felt so liberating at first, and now it's just a mess. The weekends I spend with him are great, I don't want to go home... but then when I'm here I don't want to leave Logan."

"I can't figure that out for you. But Jess?"

Rory smiled. "He's grown up a lot mom. He's different now."

Lorelai looked at her watch. "I really have to go. Just be careful. And remember that nothing is going to be right with either one until you make up you mind and pick one. Just think about it."

She gave her daughter a hug and a kiss, gave Logan a hug and had to leave.

Rory looked forward to the weekend when she could see Jess until Logan came to her on Thursday.

"I have to be out this weekend but the Merlsons are coming into town. I need you to throw them a dinner party." he instructed her.

Rory almost bit her lip with frustration. She hated the insufferable Merlsons, Logan's business associates. Like Logan they were newspaper owners and in former times she would have been delighted to spend time with them. Unfortunately, over the years she had gotten to knew them and found them tediously boring, stiff and old-fashioned.

"What day are they coming?" she asked.

"Plan it for Saturday." he told her.

Rory's heart sunk. That was right in the middle of the weekend. There was no way she could fly out to see Jess now. It wouldn't make much sense. And she would have to spend tomorrow planning the dinner.

"I'll do it." she said, like a dutiful wife although she hated her husband at this moment.

"I knew I could count on you." he told her, stopping slightly to kiss her forehead. "I have to get ready, I have to leave early tomorrow morning."

She nodded glumly and started planning. Then she stopped, wrote a quick letter to Jess and mailed it out, next day delivery. Hopefully he would get it in time! Then she went back to planning the dinner. Of course her friends would be invited and a couple of Logan's associates.

Rory had been anxiously checking the window since Logan had left that morning. The party was pretty much planned. She had stayed up long into the night making all the arrangements she could at such short notice so there was nothing to do now but wait for... and there he was! It was Jess, stepping out of the cab, walking up her steps, ringing her bell. Rory jumped up and went downstairs. The maid was flustered. "This man says he is an old friend of yours. From high school." she said.

"Of course, let him in." Rory instructed. Jess gave her a slight smile when he saw her.

The maid was still standing there. "You can go now." Rory told her and she scurried off. Rory briefly wondered if she was as scary as her grandmother.

Jess was looking around at the house, looking completely out of place here, like she had the first time in his apartment.

"I'm glad you got the letter and the money." she told him. "Was your ticket waiting at the airport? I tried to make sure they would have it there waiting for you."

Jess seemed to ignore her question. He was just standing there, looking around the room as if something had just dawned on him. As if he hadn't realized that she had lived like this before.

"Jesus Rory you have a maid! You live in a mansion. We used to make fun of stuff like this, and now this is your life. And you want me to be impressed and tell you good job, great catch." He seemed angry.

Rory gave him a hurt look. What was his problem?

"Hey I can pay for my own things." she said.

"Oh like your diamonds and flying out to see me? Why did you bring me here Rory? To show me what you are giving up? To make this some big fucking sacrifice, like oh look I had the perfect life but I wasn't with you. So I'd rather be poor and live in a cardboard box with you! How do you think that makes me feel? I'm happy with my life but I don't have a fucking maid!"

"Oh yeah, this is the perfect life." Rory spat back, bitterly. "I have everything I never wanted."

"You know, I'm never going to be as successful as him. And I'm fine with that, I'm fine with my life until you bring me here and show me all this."

"I'm not trying to rub anything in your face." Rory said. "I just wanted to see you, that's all. This stuff means nothing to me and you are twice the man he is."

"Well it looks pretty damn deliberate."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you would react like that. You knew we were rich, right?" she said.

"Yes I knew, I just didn't expect this. I mean it's a little overwhelming to see you living here like this. I had a hard time believing how your grandparents lived. And then, no explanation you want me to come out here to see you this weekend. I've just had a bad feeling about it. But I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just on edge. So why are you stuck here this weekend?"

"Dinner party." she responded, making a face. "I have to fulfill my social responsibilities, at least until I'm out of this marriage."

He noticed an evil gleam in her eye. "What's with that look?" he asked.

"Just feeling spiteful towards Logan." Rory responded. She sat up suddenly. "We should have sex on every piece of furniture Logan owns." she said with a wicked smile.

Jess looked around dubiously. "You know this is a gigantic house. With a helluva lot of furniture."

Rory smiled wider. "We better get started."

"You have maids." He reminded her. "I'm sure old high school friends aren't supposed to fuck on the dining table."

"Very true."

Rory called the servants over and gave them some chore or other to get them out of the house for a couple hours.


	10. Chapter 10

Once everyone was out of the house Rory just stood there, staring around her, wondering where to start. The enormity of the task almost overwhelmed her until Jess came to her, wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips against her. Suddenly she forgot all about their mission and felt herself being pushed against the nearest object, which was in fact the dining table. Responding eagerly, passionately, she pushed against him, sweater landing on the floor as she moved against him, their hips connecting and her hands traveling across his back.

Jess suddenly lifted her up until she was sitting on the table, her skirt being pushed up to her thighs, as his hand fumbled with her bra.

She could hear his rasping breath in her ear, feel his as his arms circled her, unclasping her bra. She let it slide off her unto the floor. This activity was interrupted when Rory noticed that the dining table was a distinctly uncomfortable place to have sex so she hopped off, leaving her sweater and bra on the floor by it and lead Jess by the hand to the rug in front of the fire place. She flicked in on with the push of a button and then drew him down to lay beside her on the plushy rug. Jess had followed her without protest, like a child but now he took over, pushing her down, holding her shoulders as his lips found her mouth, her neck, her jawbone, planting small kisses and tiny bites on her. Rory felt her face flushing and a tingling in her stomach, a feeling that she never had with Logan anymore, even in their most recent times together. She slipped out of her clothes as Jess took his shirt off and then continued to kiss her.

Jess moved down, kissing her breasts, her stomach, her hip bones, the tattoo, finally stopping between her legs, placing his hands beneath her hips. Rory was breathing harder now. She had always felt somewhat guilty doing this with Logan because she knew he didn't really enjoy it, was just doing it for her, but with Jess she knew without him saying so that all he wanted was for her to feel good. She could feel Jess's mouth on her, licking her and she lay back and gave herself to the feeling. Suddenly, from a chair nearby the phone rang. Without really stopping, without a word Jess leaned over and handed it to her, then continued with an evil look in his eye.

Rory struggled to sound normal as she answered. "Hello this... is Mrs... Huntzberger." she managed to gasp out.

"Leigh?" the voice asked.

She felt a hint of panic. "Hi Logan. How is the trip?" She looked at Jess significantly but he continued as if he wanted to get her caught!

"Is something wrong?" Logan asked as she stifled a small moan of pleasure.

"Uhhh.. no." she turned it into an answer.

"Whatever. I forgot to tell you to make sure that Mr. Albertson gets on the list along with his new girlfriend. I can't remember her name but she should be in the address book."

"Oh... kay.." she managed to say, doing her best to ignore the mounting pleasure.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Logan asked sceptically.

"J---Yess!!" she exclaimed, turning his name into an affirmative statement.

"Then I'll see you in a few days. I love you Leigh."

"Bye!" she said and slammed down the phone. "That was so evil!" she tried to tell Jess but it came out as "That was.. oh...uh soo...evllll." Her hips were starting to respond to him and she could feel the pressure in her rising.

"Oh then I guess I should stop." Jess said. "Didn't meant to bother you."

She knew he was teasing her. She wouldn't let him win though, two could play at this game. She reached over and grabbed his cellphone, pressing a random entry in his phone book and then handing it to him before he could stop her. She simultaneously opened his pants and just as she could hear someone picking up on the other end she took him into her mouth.

Jess gasped a little, trying to look mad but failing until he realized who was on the other line.

"Hello?" the gruff voice asked.

"Uh, hi Uncle Luke." Jess said, blushing. Rory felt both embarrassment and amusement. Amusement won out though, and she continued.

"Jess?" the voice asked.

"Yeah, it's uhhh... me."

"Why are you calling? Are you hurt? You sound different."

Rory flicked her tongue across the head of his penis, causing him to breath in sharply.

"Jess? You there?"

"Uh Luke this is a oh... god, a bad time." Jess was breathing heavier now, trying his best to keep Luke from hearing.

"You called me."

"Uh, I know. I'll talk to you later."

Jess hung up the phone on a very confused Luke. "Not fair." he told her, gasping out the words as his hand caressed her hair.

"He's my stepdad." she stopped to say.

Jess took advantage of her temporary distraction to push her back down onto the rug, silencing her with a passionate kiss. She could feel his body on top of her, pressing on top of her, she could feel his urgency as he pushed himself into her. They both gasped with pleasure as he slid in, his hands on her chest, her hands on his strong back.

He thrust into her as she moved her hips to meet his thrusts, their combined motions bringing them both quickly to their conclusion. Jess collapsed on top of Rory, both of them breathing hard. Rory's hair was damp and stuck to her shoulders as she held Jess too her, just feeling the comfort of him there against her and knew that the location was wrong, he was right.

They both got dressed and straightened up before the servants got in and then Rory had to finish planning the dinner party. Jess explored the Huntzberger library while she did this.

Finally she came and joined him in there.

"Wow this place is huge." he commented. She nodded a little.

"Yes it is." she agreed. "I want you to come to the dinner party with me." she told him.

"Me, at a dinner party?" he questioned. "I have a feeling I'm going to say no."

"Please!!" she begged, the old Rory reasserting itself. "I just can't face all those stupid people without you." She leaned in to give him a kiss.

"Fine." he agreed with a sigh.

"Besides, you'll get to meet my friends." she said, although she was worried about what they would do or say.

"Yay!" he said sarcastically. "Won't Logan mind?"

She shook her head. "I see my old friends sometimes and he never cares."


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: I'm dedicating this story to Kurt Vonnegut. It's in no way worthy of him, but the only thing I can offer as a tribute. R.I.P._

_A/N: I tried to update on Friday but couldn't upload the file, so sorry for the delay._

* * *

The dinner party was just as boring as Rory had assumed it would be, and Jess was having trouble adjusting to everyone calling her Leigh.

"Why does everyone call you that?" he whispered to her when they had a moment away from the others.

"It's my middle name." She whispered back.

"I know, but why do they call you that?" he asked again.

"Something Logan started. Or maybe his parents did, I don't remember. To be honest I hate it." she said. He looked at her in disbelief.

"None of this is like you Rory. Why do you do so many things you hate?" he told her, then sat by himself in the corner.

Rory didn't have time to be too concerned about him because her friends were rapidly converging on her.

"Leigh!" they exclaimed as a group. "You have been MIA lately, where have you been?"

"I'm glad you guys could make it." Rory said, trying hard to sound genuine. "I wanted you to meet an old friend from high school."

She gave Jess a significant look so he reluctantly stood up and approached her and her friends.

"Jess, this is Juliet, Rosemary, Walker and Logan's sister, Honor. You guys this is Jess Mariano." Jess gave them a half-hearted smile, then returned to the corner where he had been reading.

"So cute!" said Rosemary and Rory felt a quick stab of jealousy. She knew her friends were all attractive people and didn't want any of them making a move on Jess.

And she also wanted to throw them off the track. "Yeah." she agreed absently. "But I've known him so long I can't see him that way."

"Is he seeing anyone?" Walker asked in a confidential whisper. "Not that it matters." she added with a smile.

"Uh.. I don't know. I think he has a girlfriend." Rory replied, actually worried now. Walker was used to getting what, and who she wanted.

"Oh, a challenge." Walker said. "I'm making my move."

"Isn't your husband here?" asked Juliet.

"Yeah, but that just adds to the challenge." she said and the group cackled. Rory wanted to roll her eyes at the insipid and inane conversations that always followed after this group. She couldn't stop Walker though, so she watched anxiously as her friend walked toward Jess with two drinks in her hand and trying a slinky walk.

Jess looked up with mild amusement, giving Rory a quick wink to assure her that he was in no way persuaded by what was being offered him. He did take the drink and Walker sat down next to him, legs crossed, leaning backwards, playing with her hair, talking in a breathy voice, trying every trick in the book, while darting her eyes around to watch for her husband at the same time. Rory didn't get to see how the scene played out because she was obligated to talk to the rest of the guests.

When she was finally able to get away and check on Jess she found him trying to extricate himself from the group of his friends. Rosemary came up to talk to her. "Is he poor?" she asked quietly.

Rory nodded slightly.

"Then what the hell am I doing? They can have him." she turned back to get another drink. Rory smiled slightly. It was true, Rosemary only did go after rich men. And she was the only one of her friends who wasn't yet married. Rory knew that all her friends had affairs here and there but hadn't even considered it herself until Jess came back into her life. She'd never identified with her friends but now she could understand the appeal. But not just any man, not just companionship. She and Jess were in love!

She felt Jess come to her side. She gave him a smile. "They seem to like you." she said.

He flopped onto a nearby chair with mock exhaustion. "I finally got away from the black holes. Hide me."

"Black holes?" she said, giggling.

"Yeah, they just absorb conversation without giving anything back. You say something to them and that's the last you will hear of that topic. They are impossible to talk to."

Rory laughed again. "Yeah, they aren't really into deep conversations."

More seriously he asked "So why are they your friends?"

Rory shook her head. "I don't know. I guess because Logan didn't like Lane and I was lonely and they were there. Like marrying Logan came with a built in social network."

"I don't like seeing you here Rory. It's so fake, I can't believe you live like this."

"Maybe I shouldn't have brought you here. I just really wanted to see you." She gave his hand a brief squeeze. "I have to go back and try to get everyone to leave."

He nodded. "I'll be right here." And he pulled out a book as she left the room.

Her friends approached her soon afterward. "What did he say about me?" Walker asked.

"He's poor." interjected Rosemary.

"I don't care, he's cute." Juliet said.

"Hey I claimed him first!" Walker argued.

Rory forced a smile, more like a grimace. They were talking about Jess, her Jess, like a possession. Like they had him already, like he would ever be with someone like them. But they were so sure of themselves, they didn't have any doubt that one of them would go home with him tonight.

"He didn't say much. He's actually pretty drunk. I sent him to bed." She said to fend them off.

"Party pooper!" said Honor.

"Well then I'm going home." Juliet said.

"Yeah we should go to." said Honor, looking around. "It's kind of late."

Rory gave each of them a quick hug. "Call me tomorrow." she said as she said her goodbyes to the rest of the dinner party. She was somewhat surprised that it had all gone so well. She had known Jess would hate it but he handled it well and that whole awful evening was behind them now.

She turned to say goodbye to the last guest, a lawyer.

When Jess entered the room Rory was there by herself on the couch, mouthing words to herself.

"What's wrong Franny?" Jess asked.

"Just trying to remember a number." she explained, smiling at the reference. "One of the guests was a really good divorce lawyer and he gave me the number of his firm. I didn't tell him what it was for, but it might come in handy."

Jess smiled and sat next to her, giving her a kiss. "That just might make up for making me talk to your friends all night." he said.


	12. Chapter 12

Jess left early the next day so that Rory could get the house cleaned up and looking perfect for Logan. She had almost decided to tell Logan as soon as he came in that she wanted out, that she couldn't bear to be here without Jess anymore. But of course he was his normal charming self when he came home, giving her a passionate kiss. And the obstacles in her way seemed insurmountable, especially with Jess so far away, not here to lend support. Rory didn't feel capable of doing all of this on her own. She didn't want to fight with Logan.

Rory spent the night in Logan's room that night, partly because she had missed him, and partly because she didn't want to make him suspicious. But that night she lay awake in his arms, unable to stop turning her life over in her mind. She couldn't understand what had made him suddenly change after all these years.

Rory realized then that the change in him had been reflective of the change in her. Here she was, being everything he ever wanted, so he was being everything she wanted. Except that once again he was basing this on a lie. She wasn't that timid, she didn't want to permanently quit working. In her excitement at being acknowledged she had nodded agreeably and went along with everything he said. She had quit her job like he wanted, agreed mutely with everything he said, no matter how much she disagreed just because they were talking again. But she didn't agree, damnit, she had a mind of her own. And she realized that their marriage was doomed. As soon as they got comfortable again, got loving again her personality would assert itself and he would become disillusioned all over again, hate her all over again. And she wasn't going to let him win, to control her to the point where she would trade her personality for scraps of attention, to where she would beg like a dog to be acknowledged, be trained to be a good little girl. She didn't want to be his little wife. She had just lost herself in a delirium of attention and acknowledgment, had been overwhelmed by that new feeling. Guilt had made her act nicer to him, treat him with more consideration, appear more timid than she was. She had been so guilty and felt so wrong that she had done anything to please him, which she now knew had been a mistake. And then her thoughts turned to Jess. He had been there for her the entire time. Had waited, more or less patiently while she figured all of this out, while she got her shit together, while she realized that Logan was always going to be an asshole so long as she was Rory. Jess loved her, really loved her, and had always loved her. And she loved him, wanted him. She couldn't even think of Logan while she was with him, so what was she doing here? Why was it so hard? Was it because of everything she was going to be giving up? Was it because she knew that she would make it into every newspaper in the city? That everyone would hate and condemn her? Rory felt like she could face that, but not alone. And she didn't want some scandal. Maybe she and Logan could resolve this quietly, privately, leaving her free to go to Jess and give him everything of herself, like he deserved. The weekend Rory he had been seeing wasn't all she was either. He saw only escaping Rory, desperate Rory, lonely Rory. He rarely got to see Fun Rory, Determined Rory, Work Rory, Bitchy Rory. And she wanted to give him everything in her, everything about her, freely and willingly because she knew that he would accept it, as she would accept everything about him. Rory stopped herself. Was this some kid love fantasy? After all this time could they really be together? Would the problems they had in the past be magically gone? They didn't talk on the phone, so she didn't know if he was still as reticent as he had always been, if he would even let her fully into his life as she wanted to do with him. And she had to tell him that she had been having sex with Logan as well. It wouldn't be easy, but she had to confess her indecision, and tell him that yes, this time she was sure, it was finally over.

And then, the shit hit fan when Logan turned over, throwing his arm around her. That gesture pulled her shirt up enough for him to see the mark engraved on her hip. She felt him stiffen behind her and knew that he had seen. Oh my god he had seen! Rory tensed in return, not knowing what to expect. Not sure what was going to happen now. Only knowing for sure that it was going to be a very long day.

To her surprise, Logan didn't say anything. He just turned around and went back to sleep. Rory held her breath, wondering if somehow he hadn't seen, he didn't know. Of course it would almost be better if he did see because Rory wasn't at all sure how she was going to tell him. She was going to end a decade long marriage when things seemed to be going well.

Rory got up and went back to her room, splashing some water on her face to clear her mind. She couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Surely Logan had seen, why didn't he say anything?

The next day he treated her with cold formality and she knew he had seen. But what was his game? Why was he pretending he hadn't? When he left for work that day Rory sat impatiently on a chair, desperately wishing she knew Jess's number and could call him. She needed someone to talk to, to confide in. What the hell was she supposed to do now? Would Logan pretend he hadn't seen it? Obviously the intimacy they had was gone now, but was that the only step he would take?

She spent an anxious day waiting for Logan to get home. When he did get home he was furious.

He burst into the room and tossed a stack of papers on the floor.

"Guess what I did today." he said. She looked at him blankly.

"Well let's start differently." he said, putting on a fake pleasant look. "So what have you been doing lately?" he asked.

Rory felt paralyzed all of a sudden. How much did Logan know? She just shook her head, not knowing what to say.

"You don't want to talk? Then listen." He stooped down and picked up one of the pieces of paper.

"Let's see, there's something about Philadelphia in here, does that sound familiar?" He asked. Rory nodded slightly. "Hmmm there's an "old friend" mentioned, a Jess Mariano." Suddenly he tossed the paper. "And then there's this." He lifted her shirt to expose the tattoo. "How long has it been there?" he asked in a low tone.

"A couple weeks." she said hesitantly.

"I told you a long time ago, no wife of mine is getting tattooed like common trash." he told her. "Why did you do it." It was a demand, not a question.

Rory debated her words for one long moment that seemed to stretch on for a long time. "I did it for Jess." she said finally.

Logan's eyes darkened and his hand darted out, slapping her once, hard, across the cheek.

Rory's hand flew to her cheek, stunned. Logan had never hit her before, never lost his temper.

"You've been sleeping around on me?" he demanded. She knew he already knew the answer. He must have hired a detective this morning to dig up information on her.

"Yes" she said simply. There was no point in lying now.

"Well that's over now." he said with finality.

"Logan I want a divorce." she said firmly, but there was a tremor in her voice.  
"You want to be with him?" his voice sounded strangely calm.

"Yes, I love him." It was a relief to Rory to tell this to Logan, to his face.

"You would give up everything I offer you for this guy?" Logan looked more stunned than hurt, as if he couldn't believe it.

She nodded. "This marriage is a disaster Logan. I can't be what you want me to be and I'm tired of trying. I love Jess and I'm going to be with him."

Rory got up and quickly left the room, hurrying to her own room before bursting into tears on her bed. She wasn't sad, or angry, just nervous and emotional, and the emotion spilled out of her in seemingly endless waves. But as soon as this fit passed Rory stopped crying and just sat there, thinking about everything that was going to change. And how she was going to be free. She just needed Logan to agree to the divorce.

She went downstairs a couple hours later and found Logan there, waiting for her. Before she could say anything, Logan spoke. He was calm, his voice icy.

"I'll give you an easy divorce on one condition." he said slowly.

Rory looked at him expectantly.

"You go to Europe for three months. You leave tonight and from now until you return you don't have any contact with Jess. I mean none. No phone calls, letters, postcards, messages through friends, I mean nothing."

Rory's eyes widened. Jess would never wait around for three months with no word from her. "Why?" was all she could manage to ask. Surely he couldn't be that cruel and spiteful.

"Because I'm going to do my best to minimize the media on this. So I need you out of here. And I don't want a single bit of evidence that you had an affair out there. There is no way for you to talk to him without the possibility that someone will find out and you can bet the newspapers will jump all over it. My paper will work from this end to create good publicity, but let me assure you, if you don't obey me on this you and he are both going to burn for this."

Rory knew that he made sense, that they did have to minimize this divorce. Neither of them wanted to be fodder for the scandal papers and Logan didn't deserve that. Still, she couldn't help but feel that he was demanding this mostly out of spite. He didn't want her to be happy with Jess. He wanted to control her for as long as he could.

"So if I agree to this then we divorce, no problems?" she asked.

"As long as you don't contest the prenup." he assured her. "I don't want to drag this out any more than you do. But you can't even mention Jess to anyone until you get back. Once you are back the two of you can do whatever the hell you want, it won't be my business anymore. I'll make sure that we are legally divorced by then, you can do what you want."

Reluctantly, Rory nodded. Her heart ached at the thought of three months without Jess. And more that it would be three months during which he would wonder, and not know what had happened to her. She could only imagine how hurt and angry he would be when she came back and tried to explain to him. But it was what she had to do to be with him, to get out of her marriage. She knew that Logan was capable of a lot if she went against him. He could write whatever he wanted in his newspapers, he could write about her affair, ruin her name. He could slander Jess's bookstore, make sure it went out of business.

"Okay. If that's your condition I'll do it."

Rory slowly stood up, looking around one last time at her home before she left it, probably forever.

Then, with the arrogance of the damned, Rory stood and slowly started gathering her things. She was sure that his conditions would end her relationship with Jess forever. But staying with Logan wasn't an option either. She had to play by his rules, this one last time.


	13. Chapter 13

Jess waited in vain the next weekend but didn't hear from Rory. He didn't panic, it wasn't the first time that she had failed to come. Her husband must be home, or she was sick or busy and couldn't get away. He tried to overcome his impatience waiting for her to be here, for her to end her marriage. Both were long overdue.

He hadn't felt this way about anyone before, not even when he and Rory had dated the last time. She was different now, but just as special. Maturity had brought them closer together, helped them connect in a way that they had never been able to do before and Jess felt alone when she wasn't here. He would wait though, because Rory was definitely worth it.

But by the next weekend, when Rory once again didn't show up Jess was becoming increasingly worried, and by the third weekend when there was no word for her Jess decided he had to take some action.

Jess got all the money together he had to by a ticket to see her. He didn't know what was going on. Either she didn't want to be with him anymore or she wasn't able to come. Whatever was the case, he needed to know.

Jess arrived at Rory's mansion on Monday afternoon. It had been more than three weeks since they had spoken last. As much as he tried to appear stoic, Jess was shaking slightly with anxiety. Would this mess up everything for her? Should he have stayed away? How long was he supposed to wait?

He finally summoned the courage to ring the bell and a servant answered the door.

Jess cleared his throat before speaking while the servant looked at him expectantly.

"Uh... is Mrs. Huntzberger here?" he asked cautiously, his mouth stumbling over the unfamiliar name. She wasn't Mrs. Huntzberger, she was Rory, his Rory!

"No she isn't here, but Mr. Huntzberger will speak with you. Would you care to step in?" She gestured and for a brief minute Jess debated running away but he decided that he had to face Logan. If Logan knew then so much the better, they could get everything out in the open.

So he stepped inside and followed the maid as she lead him inside. Jess saw a man he assumed was Logan who stood up and shook his hand. The other man's eyes were cold and hard.

"You must be Jess." he said flatly.

"Guilty as charged." Jess replied.

"Well I guess we were both her victims." Logan said. Jess realized that he looked terrible. His hair was unbrushed, he smelled strongly of liquor and his clothes were sloppy.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"My wife has decided to leave me." Logan said. "I know she was seeing you. Don't worry, I don't blame you." He added quickly. "You weren't the only one."

Jess stood there, stunned. Was this real? Or a trick? He wasn't sure what to believe.

"Where is she?" he demanded.

Logan looked slightly amused. "She ran off to Europe. With my best friend. I should have known she would never stay with me. Although.." and here he stopped and looked at Jess critically. "I must say I'm a little surprised at her taste.. It's usually so good."

Jess's face burned with humiliation and he had trouble restraining himself from taking a swing at Logan. What a pedantic jerk! He was stopped however when he glanced down and saw a newspaper photo. He felt dizzy as he realized that it was Rory in the photo, another man's arm around her waist, a smile on her face. The caption informed him that Mrs. Huntzberger was seeking a divorce from her husband, and already engaged to Colin McCrae. Tears briefly blurred his eyes before Jess forced them away with the power of will.

Then he turned without another word and left.

As soon as he was gone Logan gave a short laugh, running his hands through his hair to straighten it out. A smile lingered on his lips. "That was all too easy." he muttered to himself as he went up to shower and change.

Jess sat back home in his darkened apartment. He didn't know what was true anymore. All he knew was that she was gone. Somehow, Logan had said or did something that had convinced her to leave. He didn't believe that she had abandoned him for another man. That wasn't Rory, not the Rory he knew. It wasn't Leigh either, from what he knew of her. Logan must have forced her into something, somehow. He didn't even think of going after her, had no idea where he would even start. So his mind immediately turned to revenge. And he knew exactly how he would get his revenge on Logan. He almost counted on Rory as gone for good. She hadn't told him she was going, or where she was going, she obviously didn't want him to know. Maybe she did love another man. Maybe she had fallen in love with Colin somehow in the last three weeks. It didn't matter now, she was lost to him forever.

Jess contemplated how he would exact his revenge, how he would get the money to make it work. But Logan would regret anything he had done when Jess was through.


	14. Chapter 14

Rory sat impatiently, staring out the window of the airplane. Her three months of banishment were finally over! She could return home to the ruins of her life. The prospect wasn't a completely happy one: she had no home, no friends, probably no Jess. But she was free of Logan. She had only heard from him once during that time, just a few days ago, to confirm that their divorce was finalized. She hadn't been able to share her news with him. He had forbidden her to contact Jess, her friends or even Logan himself. She didn't know any news from home either, it had been three months in a vacuum. Of course, being Rory she had tried to make the best of the situation, to see the places she had visited on the Europe trip with her mom and try to recapture some of the excitement they had felt. She felt a pang as she remembered her mom. She hadn't spoken to her in three months either. But Rory knew she couldn't see her mom until she had seen Jess. He probably wouldn't talk to her, but she had to at least explain. She had done what he wanted, she had left Logan, she was divorced. There had been a price to pay for it but it was over now. Maybe they could finally start over, a real family.

When the plane landed Rory rushed through the baggage claim and then into the cab, reciting the familiar address without hesitation. Hopefully he still lived there!

Her hands were shaking and she desperately wanted a cigarette but she had given up smoking in Europe so she resisted the urge and nervously played with the handle on her bag instead, stomach churning.

She had to confess a lot of things to Jess, why she had been absent, that she had been sleeping with Logan. Either way this went though Rory felt prepared. She accepted that Jess could just as easily be out of her life as in it. But he had left behind the confidence to live her own life, even if he wasn't in it.

She hopped out of the cab, handing some bills to the driver as she stepped out. She walked into the store, hoping Jess would be there behind the register but to her disappointment it was a guy she didn't recognize. He must have seen the confusion on her face because he asked if she needed any help. She shook her head, then asked "Is Jess Mariano here?"

"He lives upstairs. Want me to call him?" the guy asked.

"I'll just go up." Rory said, heading up the stairs. The guy shrugged and went back to the book he had been reading.

When Rory entered the apartment she walked in on something completely unexpected. There, in Jess's apartment, stood both Jess and Logan!

And more than that they were involved in a heated discussion. They both stopped and stared as Rory walked in. Rory felt her confidence slip away from her as the two men starred at her.

"Hi" she said weakly, with a small wave.

"What are you doing here?" Jess asked trying to recover from his amazement.

"I came to see you." she tried hard not to look at Logan.

"Didn't you run off with someone to Europe?" he asked.

Rory glanced briefly at Logan and saw him look down.

"I was in Europe but I didn't run off with anyone. Uh... Logan what are you doing here?" she asked.

Before Logan could answer Jess turned to him to demand an explanation.

"I faked a newspaper. Fine. I did it, I was mad at you and I faked a newspaper." Logan said.

"What?!" asked Rory.

"Just one, it wasn't a story that got out in print. It was just to mess with your boyfriend." Logan half snarled.

"Why were you in Europe?" Jess asked. Rory's head was spinning from all the confused questions.

"I had to go. It was the only way I could get my divorce. But I'm divorced now." She shot a look at Logan.

"I'm not leaving!" a girl's voice yelled from Jess's bedroom.

Logan walked down the hall and pounded on the door. "Get out of there right now, we are going home!" he shouted.

"No!" the voice answered and Rory suddenly realized that it was Honor's voice.

"Honor?" she called.

"Rory? What are you doing here?" the door unlocked and Honor opened the door.

Rory looked at her former friend, wondering the same thing.

She turned to Jess. He looked back at her and shrugged a little. Logan was grabbing onto Honor's arm, dragging her down the hall.

"Jess!" called Honor. "He has no right to take me back. We are meant to be together!"

Rory stared hard at Jess. Had he forgotten her already? For someone he had made fun of at her house!

Jess looked hard at Honor, ignoring Rory's look. "Get. The. Fuck. Out." was all he said with cold deliberation, than turned to Rory. "It was a little revenge of my own." he told her. "I didn't know if you would be back."

Honor had burst into tears and fallen to the floor. "That's all this was?" she asked between sobs. "I gave up my life, my money, my husband for you!"

"Yeah and I sold the story to a newspaper." he told her back.

Logan jumped up and knocked Jess over with a punch to the jaw. "You wouldn't dare!" he shouted.

"Oh, I did." Jess said, standing up. He didn't bother to hit Logan back. "You messed with me first man, and your sister was the idiot who went along with it."

He noticed Rory staring at him in shock.

"How could you do something so terrible?" she asked him, for the first time really doubting him.

"I'll explain everything later, when these two leave. And take your stuff with you." he said to Honor.

Rory felt dizzy and warm. She took off her jacket and sat hard on the arm of the couch, trying to make sense of everything. It was then that she realized that all three of them were staring at her, looking at the slight but obvious swelling of her stomach.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Sorry for the delay. I wasn't able to write much for the last week, but things are better now, so I'm updating finally!_

* * *

Rory crossed her arms self-consciously in front of her stomach. Before Logan could say anything Jess spoke.

"So is there something you want to tell me?" Jess asked, eying her.

"Well, umm I love you?" she said hesitantly.

"That's appreciated, but not really what I was looking for." Jess answered.

"It's pretty obvious I'm pregnant." Rory stated.

"Yeah.. you could say that." Jess observed.

"Okay Jess I'm between three and four months pregnant. And I couldn't tell you and I didn't tell Logan."

"But it's my baby?" Jess asked nervously.

Rory swallowed hard but didn't get a chance to answer.

"You aren't keeping it." Logan said with finality.

"What?!" asked Rory.

"There's no question, you aren't keeping it." Logan repeated. "I can't take the chance that it's not mine."

"What?" It was Jess's turn to look surprised. "Why would it be yours?"

"Why would it be yours?" Honor asked Jess, looking confused and hurt.  
"Shut up." He told her. "She's my girlfriend." Jess told Logan.

"Well she was my wife." He replied.

"She may have been married to you, technically, but you didn't even share a room!" Jess exclaimed.

Rory looked somewhat helplessly from side to side. Finally she stood up.

"Okay, everyone be quiet!" She said. "Here's the deal, I'm four months pregnant, I have no idea whose it is, and I don't even know if I want to keep it, but I certainly won't take my ex husband into consideration when I make that decision! There now that's it!"

Contrary to her hopes, everyone immediately started talking again all at once.

"I thought you were just old friends!" said Honor.

"It might be Logan's?" Jess asked, shocked.

"You aren't keeping that kid!" Logan exclaimed.

"Fine, one at a time. Honor I'm sorry you got dragged into this, but get a clue! And Jess, I will explain, I promise, but yes there is pretty much an equal chance that it's Logan's. Now Logan, what the hell are you talking about? It's not your choice and it might not even be your kid."

"Oh I'm well aware of that!" Logan spat back. "But I can't take the chance that it isn't my kid. If it's my kid, fine, then you were pregnant when we got divorced. Now if it isn't my kid that means that you cheated on me, which you did, but I'm not going to look like a fool to the world because you are a whore."

"Now wait a minute!" Jess said, advancing on Logan. "If you want to talk about whores..." he said, gesturing towards Honor.

"You've gone too far." Logan shoved Jess backwards and Jess came back swinging. Rory and Honor stood helplessly watching the chaos.

Finally the two men just stood, glaring at each other.

"Stop it you two!" said Rory, feeling like a mom already. "Logan I don't care about your reputation, or what people will think of you, or anything like that. So if I decide that I don't want to have a child it'll be for my own reasons. Now I need to talk to Jess so you should probably leave. I'll be in touch with you."

"This may not be the best time to announce this" said Honor "but I'm pregnant too. And it could also be yours." she told Jess.

Jess looked at her with surprise, and some disgust. "How far along are you?" he asked, shocked.

"A month and a half" she said, shooting Rory a triumphant look.

Jess sighed and rolled his eyes. "We've only been together for three weeks. I'm assuming it's your husbands so you should go back to him. I'm sure he misses you."

Logan looked around and realized that he was fighting a losing battle, so without another word he grabbed Honor's arm and started dragging her out of the room. "This isn't over." he told the couple.

When they were left alone Jess and Rory just stood and stared at each other.

"So..." Rory said. Suddenly they weren't sure what to say. There was so much to say, to explain, to apologize for. Did Jess still feel the same? What had he been doing with Honor? The suspense hung in the air around them. Both looked down, ashamed of the choices they had made.

Rory decided to make the first move. For once, she wasn't going to be silent while important life events passed her by.

"Jess I'm sorry. The whole situation was such a mess. I was with you and Logan at the same time, at least for a couple weeks that overlapped. I wasn't sure what to do, I wanted to save my marriage if I could but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking of you. I knew I wanted to be with you, I just couldn't accept that without feeling like I tried. And then when Logan found out about us his condition to us getting divorced was that I go to Europe and not contact you for three months. I had to do it, I had to. It was the only way I could be with you."

Jess nodded slightly, acknowledging her apology. "I was hurt when I didn't hear from you. I didn't know what to believe and when I saw Logan he lied to me. I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not but either way, I knew he had something to do with why you were gone. Well, I know it was really wrong but I thought of the easiest way to get back at him. No, I didn't send anything to the newspaper about Honor, but I could if they fuck with us. As long as she and her husband keep their mouths closed Logan's precious family reputation will remain intact. Now.. where do we go from here?"

"Well do you forgive me?" Rory asked.

Jess nodded. "Of course I do. Rory I knew you were confused. And I shouldn't have pushed you. I just wanted to be with you so much."

"I forgive you too then." Rory said with a small smile. "So did you ever want to be a parent?"

"I never really thought about it." said Jess.

"Me neither. I mean I thought maybe someday, but this was.. well really unplanned." Rory said thoughtfully.

Before Jess could answer Honor burst back in through the door.


	16. Chapter 16

"I gave Logan the slip." Honor said with pride. "Jess I know we can work it out. You can have Rory as a girlfriend on the side as long as I don't see her or hear about her." She announced, satisfied with her solution.

Jess and Rory looked at each other. "Honor" he started, but wasn't sure how to continue. How could he have a conversation with someone that clueless?

Finally he started again. "Rory and I are together." he stated. "I love her, not you. And you really should go back to your husband."

"But if you are with her you'll be stuck with a kid that's probably not even yours." Honor pointed out.

Jess gave Rory a helpless look so she jumped in to help. "You're pregnant too. And it's your husbands baby." she pointed out helpfully.

"Right.." said Honor. "I just still think that we could work it out."

Just then, Ted thankfully entered the room. He eyed Honor appreciatively and Jess jumped at the chance.

"So Honor, this is my old roommate, Ted." She smiled coyly at him.

"And I'm wondering why I ever moved out." Ted said, looking between Honor and Rory. But he settled his attention on Honor and Jess guided Rory back into the bedroom.

"That should distract her for a while." Jess said.

"Yeah, so what now?" Rory asked.

"Well this is no place to raise a child."Jess said, looking around. "And what about you? You've put your life on hold for him for so long. What do you want? I mean what do you really want?"

"I'm not really sure. I guess nothing really went the way I wanted it to. I always wanted to be a journalist but now..." Rory looked up at him. "I'm really not sure. What about you?"

"I like my bookstore, no I love my bookstore, but maybe its time to move on from that too." He said thoughtfully. "I've wanted to get back into writing but thats not exactly lucrative."

Rory smiled a little. "Unfortunately, I'm suddenly poor. I didn't fight Logan for anything, he had a prenup, and most of the income I'd earned went to pay lawyer fees after covering the three months in Europe. I do have some money, but not a whole lot."

She leaned back against Jess as they looked out the window at the beautiful view of a brick wall.

"I know you've always had everything planned." Jess started to say. "That you always knew where you were going and what you were doing. I've never had a plan. I guess thats why I never got far."

"Look where my plan got me." Rory said, looking ruefully around. "I'm in my 30's, with no career, newly divorced and having a baby with my high school boyfriend."

Jess laughed a little and Rory couldn't help laughing with him.

"I'm tired of having a plan." Rory said finally.

"I'm tired of not having a plan." countered Jess.

"Fine." Rory pulled out a sheet of paper, dividing it into two columns. On the top of one she wrote Plan and on the other she wrote No Plan. Jess rolled his eyes.

"Okay, what are the pros of having a plan." she asked him.

"Security." Jess said.

"But the other side has adventure." Rory immediately said, writing both down in the columns.

This went on for a while until Rory looked at the list. "It's clearly in favor of no plan." She said, waving it in Jess's face. He laughed and she realized how comfortable they were together, how easy it was to talk to him. After all those years with Logan she and Jess had already achieved an intimacy that she and Logan had never had.

"You know... the baby might not be yours." She reminded Jess.

"I know. I don't care. It'll be yours, so I'll love it." Jess told her. "I love you, how could I not love your child?"

She tilted her face up for a kiss. "Let's go." she said, standing up.

"Where?" He asked.

"Somewhere. We'll know when we get there. We can drive around until we find the perfect place, the perfect jobs. Or the baby will decide for us by being born."

Jess smiled. "I know you got a tattoo, but can you live this recklessly?"

"Try me." Rory threw a few things in a bag. "I have a car, we'll drive to the ATM and get the rest of my money. I can always get in touch with my mom, and Luke. You can write and sell your stories, and worst comes to worst, we always have that Honor thing." She was mostly joking, but who knows what poverty will drive one to.

"That sounds like a plan." He told her, throwing his things into a bag as well. "And I'll sell my share of the bookstore. Ted has a lot of friends who would want it."

Rory threw a pillow at him. "Not a plan. Just a guideline."

Jess shouldered the bags, threw his arm around Rory's waist and they walked out of the apartment together, no regrets and never looking back. An hour later they were out of the city.


End file.
